Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
