This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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