I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
