God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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