She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
