Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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