You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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