At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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