we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
