Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
