So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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