two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
