I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
