i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I am naked and annoyed.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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