My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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