Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
ugly people sure do ruin things
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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