I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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