Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
