i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
