I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
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would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
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It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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