Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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