I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
