I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize