Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
