I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
