I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
