I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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