He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
