Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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