I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
