I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
