There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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