Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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