I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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