He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
