I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
