Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
