Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
