I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
