Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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