Your face is a jimmy john
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
