You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
