Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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