there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
