Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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