yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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