the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
