She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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