Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
