so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My ass is underappreciated
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
