i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
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She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
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I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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