What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize