Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
