Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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