Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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