we have pet lesbian snakes
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
