how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
