Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize