tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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