So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
