No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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