oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
