We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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