Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
