y did u give ur computer a hand job?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
