My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
