I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
