Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
