I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
