Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
3pm strippers are depressing
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
